I was really down late Saturday night. 3 hours of continual wipes on one fight will do that to you. Sunday I woke up with no desire to set foot in a Draenor raid ever again. But I know I will. I need to get 5 more ring upgraded, that should put me at 725. That’s worlds beyond where I ever thought I would be for this expansion. I had no intention of doing anything more than LFR really. So when I was not even mad per say at the raids, it was disappointment in myself as a player, and a cold deadness inside that there was no chance I would ever see anything more with my friends, because I am not good enough.
They tell me to go read logs, but they really make no sense any more. When the one method you have found that makes a glimmer of sense to play has you falling short, you just have to decide.
Will I keep going, or should I stop. But it’s not that simple either. Oh sure stopping is cut and dry enough. But to keep going. What will drive me, inspire me to try to be better. And for me that answer is nothing. There is no mount I need, some title I will never use, another 10 or 20 achievement points. I’ve exceeded what I thought I would. Done more than I ever thought. So now I’m just going to go in twice a week, and not care if we do or don’t get it down. If it happens great. If not? Meh. Didn’t expect to anyway.
I know this is probably an unhealthy attitude to take. But right now I am resigned to being a 57%. Or at least that’s the value Mr. Robot has given me. I’m 57% of the performance of people in the gear I have. So I’m good enough for some things, and lacking on others. It does not make me a bad person, or a bad player. It just means I can probably get through 57% of the content successfully.
There are still many week to go, months even. I will tag along with everyone, do the best I can, but I know at some point I will hit my wall and not be able to go on. And I will watch as those I play with go further than I can. And I will be happy for them.