You don’t need fictional characters to validate yourself.

I’m sure this may get me in a lot of hot water with people.  This is not about the New Doctor Who being a woman, about gender equality, or any of a hundred topics tossed about I see every day.

I suppose that I will be called out and it pointed out to me that I do not understand, that because I am a 54 year old white male that grew up in a small town in southern New Jersey that I have no clue about struggles, have no concept of gender equality, know nothing about being a woman in a world dominated by men, and all of the other things I am supposed to not have any idea about, because life has been perfect for me, because of who I am.

I was born with a depressed sternum.  I had life saving surgery at 5 years of age, I had a 14 year old boy in the bed next to mine in the hospital threaten to toss me out a window because I was crying and he couldn’t sleep.  I’m sorry I was 5 and just had my chest cracked open.  They told my parents that I would never play football, or participate in sports, or may never run around the block playing with other kids.  And they were not sure how long I might live.  It was 1968 and this was not some surgery they performed on an outpatient basis because it was so common.  They never told me any of those things, because they did not want me to feel like because someone told them how things might be, that it would shape my outlook on life.  As it was, I grew up, I played in the street, stayed out until the street lights came on at night, I walked to school every day, I played tackle football with my friends on dirt and stone covered lots, played basketball with my friends, in High School I ran on the Cross Country team, Winter Track, and Spring Track, I ran more than 10 miles a day.  None of which I ever knew that I was probably never supposed to do.  I did all of this because no one told me I couldn’t.

I see the comments about Wonder Woman, about the New Doctor Who, about how finally there are women portrayed in strong roles.  And I have to scratch my head.  These are fictional characters.  They do not exist in real life.  If you feel you are being held back in this day and age from doing something with your life because a character in a TV show, or a Movie, a book, a play, is not in a strong role, that they are being portrayed in a way you disagree with, then you are obviously placing to much value on the wrong things.  I will certainly watch the newest Doctor Who, just as I will watch the next Star Wars, the next action movie that has a female or a male in a lead role.  Because I watch them for entertainment.  I watch television, and movies, and play video games for entertainment.  I do not do so for inspiration to change the world, to validate who I am as a person.  I do not look back on my life and wish that I had a strong role model to look up to growing up.

There are many days when I would just like to shake people, tell them, just stop, do you not see what you are saying?  You feel that because your opinion is strong, and that many people believe as you do that it is right and ok to say what you do.  People champion anti bullying, being accepting of all, of more rights for those they feel have been kept down.  When I read comments from people I respect, when they make comments that they feel are not directed at me specifically, they see no harm.  They are not pointing at me and saying I am at fault, and yet they are.  Comments to everyone should be able to have a choice, but only if it is in line with theirs, that everyone should do all they can to help others, everyone should be equal.  And they do not see, that the groups they are pointing at for the worlds ills are me.  I have worked since I was 14.  I have worked for everything I have ever had.  I cut lawns and washed cars to pay my dad $75 to buy our old black and white TV, I have paid for all of the cars I have ever owned, I have not had life handed to me, but because I have some things, I am a bad person, because others have nothing.  I am a paycheck or two from being at a point where I could lose my home, I do not live in a mansion, I own a 2 bedroom bungalow that is almost 100 years old.  Any improvements have been done by me.  I drive a 10 year old car with over 150,000 miles on it.  And as much as I would have loved to be the father of a child or two, it was not in the cards for us.  All of the worlds problems can not be placed on a single person or group.  And most certainly all of the worlds problems will not be solved by a fictional character in a TV show or Movie.

Things happen and get fixed because someone does not tell a child growing up, You can’t do that.


2 thoughts on “You don’t need fictional characters to validate yourself.

  1. I never really made the connection between myself and a “public role model”. If a woman is being portrayed as “weak” in a movie, serie, or wherever, i do not even think twice about it; it’s just how the direction has decided her personality should be. I do not even look for a “hidden meaning” – I just accept that her personality is like that – same with males.

    People are so busy today with “keeping everyone in control” – it is beyond me. So busy looking out instead of looking inside. But maybe I just do not get it – I’m sorry you had to go through so much hardship in life; similar to you, things have never been handed on a silver plater to me either. Maybe that changes ones view on society in general.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I tend to think so. Having to work for something gives it more value. Many Kids and even many young adults seem to have no concept. But then I see people like a friend that have woken up to how easily it is to fall so hard and have to fight to climb out, trying to teach their kid more responsibility. Maybe there is hope.


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